I am PISSED...typed an ENTIRE entry that was LOST by a single key stroke...and after the DREADED key stroke the fucking system SAVED the BLANK document! SHITBALLS!
STAY TUNEDFOLKS!
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Weighting in the Wings
"Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it...You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings. And once you have achieved a state of happiness, you must never become lax about maintaining it. You must make a mighty effort to keep swimming upward into that happiness forever, to stay afloat on top of it."
— Elizabeth Gilbert
"Just keep swimming" Dorie
Participate RELENTLESSLY in the manifestation of your own BLESSINGS! I am not sure where in the book this quote appears, but it is ONE of my favorites. I mean...can you get any more passionate than RELENTLESS PARTICIPATION? I think not!
Have I relentlessly participated in my weight loss? I am not sure. I have relentlessly participated in dance. OH YES! Now THAT was relentless participation. That level of participation yielded the most wonderful results: ABSOLUTE HAPPINESS! This weight on the other hand.......well that has often ONLY yielded the most painful of pains. The most miserable of losses: the dance.
WHY you might ask?
Well where I came from (in dance) FAT did NOT equal dancer...at least not at the undergraduate level. High School was an interesting time for a young overweight dancer. I have kept this down and quiet, but I remember a girl choreographed this FIERCE dance hall piece (Reggae) to Buju's Dickie Dickie song (FIERCE I remind you). I had the dance down and I just knew I would be in the piece. Now, if you know ANYTHING about dancehall pieces or dance halls you will know that there is often very little on the dancer. Soooooooooooooo, when the student choreographer chose her costumes (koochie cuter shorts and beaded bras) it was CLEAR that I would NOT be dancing in that piece. THAT and the fact that the teacher calmly said to me: "you would not want to be on stage with that on...trust me."
Although I am paraphrasing, he made it very clear to me that I would not fit into THAT costume. And I KNEW damned well that I did NOT want to be on a HS stage bulging out of my costume. That knowledge did not ease the pain I experienced because I was TOO BIG for the costume. I look around (in my mind) the room of my memory and I see ONLY 1 or 2 other "Big" girls in the class and only 1 other "big" girl in the Ensemble. I wonder how I was able to continue dancing. I mean I was NEVER smaller than the Large (size) in anything.
God, it was TERRIBLE, but it never stopped me.
I auditioned for the HS Dance Ensemble and made it in.
I was in the large scale Ensemble pieces and often was able to choreograph (not my greatest strength)a few pieces, take Master classes with all guest choreographers...I was "just like everyone else" in sooooooo many ways except one: I was fat. It never stopped me from dancing.....just held me back from certain pieces. If left me waiting in the wings.
I often felt that I was on the periphery of the circle of "real dancers," but I always felt like a pretty good dancer. It's weird to think of it that way. I guess I knew that I was not slim like the others, but I also knew that I was NOT a bad dancer. And when the teacher told me about college dance programs he told me about SUNY Brockport. He told me that Garth Fagan taught there. He told me that Gath was Jamaican and had begun his company in NYC and that he has choreographed the Lion King on Broadway. He said I should go there and try to study with him. Me? Study with Garth Fagan?
......to be continued....
Oh yeah: Last week I was UP 2.2 (240)lbs and this week I was DOWN 2.2 lbs (238.8).
— Elizabeth Gilbert
"Just keep swimming" Dorie
Participate RELENTLESSLY in the manifestation of your own BLESSINGS! I am not sure where in the book this quote appears, but it is ONE of my favorites. I mean...can you get any more passionate than RELENTLESS PARTICIPATION? I think not!
Have I relentlessly participated in my weight loss? I am not sure. I have relentlessly participated in dance. OH YES! Now THAT was relentless participation. That level of participation yielded the most wonderful results: ABSOLUTE HAPPINESS! This weight on the other hand.......well that has often ONLY yielded the most painful of pains. The most miserable of losses: the dance.
WHY you might ask?
Well where I came from (in dance) FAT did NOT equal dancer...at least not at the undergraduate level. High School was an interesting time for a young overweight dancer. I have kept this down and quiet, but I remember a girl choreographed this FIERCE dance hall piece (Reggae) to Buju's Dickie Dickie song (FIERCE I remind you). I had the dance down and I just knew I would be in the piece. Now, if you know ANYTHING about dancehall pieces or dance halls you will know that there is often very little on the dancer. Soooooooooooooo, when the student choreographer chose her costumes (koochie cuter shorts and beaded bras) it was CLEAR that I would NOT be dancing in that piece. THAT and the fact that the teacher calmly said to me: "you would not want to be on stage with that on...trust me."
Although I am paraphrasing, he made it very clear to me that I would not fit into THAT costume. And I KNEW damned well that I did NOT want to be on a HS stage bulging out of my costume. That knowledge did not ease the pain I experienced because I was TOO BIG for the costume. I look around (in my mind) the room of my memory and I see ONLY 1 or 2 other "Big" girls in the class and only 1 other "big" girl in the Ensemble. I wonder how I was able to continue dancing. I mean I was NEVER smaller than the Large (size) in anything.
God, it was TERRIBLE, but it never stopped me.
I auditioned for the HS Dance Ensemble and made it in.
I was in the large scale Ensemble pieces and often was able to choreograph (not my greatest strength)a few pieces, take Master classes with all guest choreographers...I was "just like everyone else" in sooooooo many ways except one: I was fat. It never stopped me from dancing.....just held me back from certain pieces. If left me waiting in the wings.
I often felt that I was on the periphery of the circle of "real dancers," but I always felt like a pretty good dancer. It's weird to think of it that way. I guess I knew that I was not slim like the others, but I also knew that I was NOT a bad dancer. And when the teacher told me about college dance programs he told me about SUNY Brockport. He told me that Garth Fagan taught there. He told me that Gath was Jamaican and had begun his company in NYC and that he has choreographed the Lion King on Broadway. He said I should go there and try to study with him. Me? Study with Garth Fagan?
......to be continued....
Oh yeah: Last week I was UP 2.2 (240)lbs and this week I was DOWN 2.2 lbs (238.8).
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Weigh Overboard
Greetings!
It has been several week and I have been splitting my time between work and road trips. Road trips are code for CHEATING! A road trip is (for me) like deciding that you will ride the bus with your leg/arm or half your body hanging out of the bus window. I mean really....here I am, "on" the bus but I am kinda hanging out of the bus also! I will explain more about this in a moment (I was caught up in the land of metaphor...or something)
My sister, her baby and I hit the road to NYC on July 3rd in preparation for a family gathering on July 4th. With the food journal in my bag, (AKA: my written confessions of the good, the bad and deliciously chocolate) I headed up 270 toward Gettysburg, PA and parts further North. I cannot tell you what I ate, but I can tell you that it was NOT prepared at home and it had NOTHING to do with lettuce, fruit or anything as healthy as all that! I do not think that we were actually armed with ANYTHING that would have been helpful to me except WATER!
We stopped in Dillsburg, PA at the Giant Supermarket where we purchased these would-be delicious chicken breast and cheese sandwiches. The good news is that they were freshly prepared but the bad news; Well they were prepared in this terribly sweet bread and there as sooooooooo much meat I could barely bite the thing without unhinging my jaw! It was a BUST but we had to eat something right...? By the time we landed on Fulton Street I was starved and I had to pee! After stopping in Lane Bryant, Conway, the Children's Place, Macy's Rainbow and Dr, Jay's, we were ready to head upstate to Kelli's....but first: when downtown Brooklyn you MUST eat from a street vendor! Soooooooooooo, I had a shish kebob and a Pepsi (notice I left out the diet part) and Ashley had a hotdog and!
Once we reached Kelli's it was smooth sailing: Grilled chicken and steak with salad and water/wine and MORE WATER! Sunday morning it was eggs and a bagel (Gotta love NY bagels) with coffee and MORE WATER! Lunch was left over food from grill (hot dog) and then it was off to the July 4th cookout! Upstairs we head to put on our clothes and we hit the road, get lost arrive late and after all the food was put away! WHAT THE HECK?! Anyway we are saved by my aunt who gets us 2 plates of food: ribs, candied yams, collard greens, bakes ziti and cornbread stuffin'! OMG can you say CHEATING? I mean I was no longer even on my seat in the bus; I had FALLEN OUT OF THE WINDOW for Christ’s sake!
So, I will save you the drama of the trip home that should have taken 5/6 hrs but instead took 9hours in 101 degrees!
I arrived back home and missed bit the Monday class and the weigh in but on Wednesday I went to the Weigh in and the results:
239!
SHIT!
DAMN!
YAY!
Well, I guess I should be glad that there was NOT a gain with all the MADNESS I was eating!
More on this for Monday's weigh-in!
See you then!
Stay tuned!
It has been several week and I have been splitting my time between work and road trips. Road trips are code for CHEATING! A road trip is (for me) like deciding that you will ride the bus with your leg/arm or half your body hanging out of the bus window. I mean really....here I am, "on" the bus but I am kinda hanging out of the bus also! I will explain more about this in a moment (I was caught up in the land of metaphor...or something)
My sister, her baby and I hit the road to NYC on July 3rd in preparation for a family gathering on July 4th. With the food journal in my bag, (AKA: my written confessions of the good, the bad and deliciously chocolate) I headed up 270 toward Gettysburg, PA and parts further North. I cannot tell you what I ate, but I can tell you that it was NOT prepared at home and it had NOTHING to do with lettuce, fruit or anything as healthy as all that! I do not think that we were actually armed with ANYTHING that would have been helpful to me except WATER!
We stopped in Dillsburg, PA at the Giant Supermarket where we purchased these would-be delicious chicken breast and cheese sandwiches. The good news is that they were freshly prepared but the bad news; Well they were prepared in this terribly sweet bread and there as sooooooooo much meat I could barely bite the thing without unhinging my jaw! It was a BUST but we had to eat something right...? By the time we landed on Fulton Street I was starved and I had to pee! After stopping in Lane Bryant, Conway, the Children's Place, Macy's Rainbow and Dr, Jay's, we were ready to head upstate to Kelli's....but first: when downtown Brooklyn you MUST eat from a street vendor! Soooooooooooo, I had a shish kebob and a Pepsi (notice I left out the diet part) and Ashley had a hotdog and!
Once we reached Kelli's it was smooth sailing: Grilled chicken and steak with salad and water/wine and MORE WATER! Sunday morning it was eggs and a bagel (Gotta love NY bagels) with coffee and MORE WATER! Lunch was left over food from grill (hot dog) and then it was off to the July 4th cookout! Upstairs we head to put on our clothes and we hit the road, get lost arrive late and after all the food was put away! WHAT THE HECK?! Anyway we are saved by my aunt who gets us 2 plates of food: ribs, candied yams, collard greens, bakes ziti and cornbread stuffin'! OMG can you say CHEATING? I mean I was no longer even on my seat in the bus; I had FALLEN OUT OF THE WINDOW for Christ’s sake!
So, I will save you the drama of the trip home that should have taken 5/6 hrs but instead took 9hours in 101 degrees!
I arrived back home and missed bit the Monday class and the weigh in but on Wednesday I went to the Weigh in and the results:
239!
SHIT!
DAMN!
YAY!
Well, I guess I should be glad that there was NOT a gain with all the MADNESS I was eating!
More on this for Monday's weigh-in!
See you then!
Stay tuned!
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
We Can't Weight
We can't wait for the doctor to say: "Ms. Hicks, you have Diabetes" to lose weight....or can we? What EXACTLY are we waiting for? I mean really, we know what's up. We know what is going on and still we wait, and wait and wait and wait. We wait for "something" to happen. And when that "something" happens THEN and ONLY THEN do we get on the weight loss bus. It is just like a bus....people getting on and off at "their stop." People deciding that the ride it too long and that they would rather get the express bus (pills, smoothies, surgery etc.). Others decide to get off the bus and WALK...Woah...good luck to those people.
Well I am on the bus AGAIN.....This time I have divided my ride between 2 buses. This is what I lovingly refer to as the 2-fare zone. A term you use when your commute causes you to pay your fare TWICE! Sooooooooo, I am in a 2-fare zone. The
1st fare is being paid to Weight Watchers and the 2nd fare is being paid to Montgomery County for the Biggest Loser Challenge.
On Monday you will recall that I weighed in at 241lbs. and kept it movingas wel say. Well today I FINALLY made it to a Weight Wacthers Meeting to weigh in and surround myself with others on the Local Bus to Weight Loss. As I stepped on the scale I told the woman at the desk that I had been having a hard time staying on track, that I had not been to a meeting in several weeks. "I am ready for you to step on the scale." Was she saying "get over yourself fatty and FACE THE MUSIC"? Hmmmmmm......
"You're down 2.6 today, " she says. "WTF?" (I say this in my head b/c she looked like a very nice lady). Out loud I say NOTHING and simply smile. I am SHOCKED! Shefinally says: "You know, I was not a a perfect weight watcher andI still lost the weight. I lost it slower than I would have liked, but I DID lose it and so will you. I just had to come to terms with the fact that I was not going ot follow the plan perfectly and get over it. I had to accept myself as I was...not perfect. I was much happier then and I still lost the weight....Just think you are down over 8 lbs Wyneshia....that's almost 10 lbs."
As I moved into the meeting space, a woman turned around to see who had come in....she is in the Biggest Loser Challenge....Ah Haaaaaaaaaaaa!
Weight: 239 lbs
Well I am on the bus AGAIN.....This time I have divided my ride between 2 buses. This is what I lovingly refer to as the 2-fare zone. A term you use when your commute causes you to pay your fare TWICE! Sooooooooo, I am in a 2-fare zone. The
1st fare is being paid to Weight Watchers and the 2nd fare is being paid to Montgomery County for the Biggest Loser Challenge.
On Monday you will recall that I weighed in at 241lbs. and kept it movingas wel say. Well today I FINALLY made it to a Weight Wacthers Meeting to weigh in and surround myself with others on the Local Bus to Weight Loss. As I stepped on the scale I told the woman at the desk that I had been having a hard time staying on track, that I had not been to a meeting in several weeks. "I am ready for you to step on the scale." Was she saying "get over yourself fatty and FACE THE MUSIC"? Hmmmmmm......
"You're down 2.6 today, " she says. "WTF?" (I say this in my head b/c she looked like a very nice lady). Out loud I say NOTHING and simply smile. I am SHOCKED! Shefinally says: "You know, I was not a a perfect weight watcher andI still lost the weight. I lost it slower than I would have liked, but I DID lose it and so will you. I just had to come to terms with the fact that I was not going ot follow the plan perfectly and get over it. I had to accept myself as I was...not perfect. I was much happier then and I still lost the weight....Just think you are down over 8 lbs Wyneshia....that's almost 10 lbs."
As I moved into the meeting space, a woman turned around to see who had come in....she is in the Biggest Loser Challenge....Ah Haaaaaaaaaaaa!
Weight: 239 lbs
Monday, June 28, 2010
The Weighting Game
Sooooooooooooooooooo, it’s Week 2 and I am waiting to be "weighed-in." I am wondering if I have lost any weight, knowing that I have been CHEATING. Oooooooo the wonderfully dangerous world of cheating. It is an addiction I admit. I have a Love-Hate relationship with cheating. I love to do it, but I hate it when it’s over. I have tried to "quit" cheating...."dump" it I mean. I have tried to kick cheating to the proverbial curb! Alas, it finds me again. Time and time again, cheating worms its way back into my life. Such a slippery little sucker that cheating! DAMMIT! As soon as I think I have that habit kicked....it creeps up again, and again, and a again and again.
So, with all this prep, you can imagine what happens when I step on the scale: "Hmmmm....," she says. "Let me see your food journal lady." And I am like "Shit..." "You owe me a dollar," she says. So as I look at the scale the new weight is: 241. Now typically this would cause my spirits to spiral down a long, dark, winding PIT OF DESPAIR. But Nooooooooooooooooooooooo, I am a "big girl" and I knew what would happen if I did not stick to the plan and I did NOT stick to the plan in a BIG way! Soooooooooooooooooo, no more RICE for me....and I LOVE rice almost as much as I love cheating! Hahahahaha!
I managed to get in a better mood with the help of the Cardio Hip-Hop class which was PACKED! Goodness! It was yet another GREAT class. There are so many people in there at different levels and most of the girls in there are young white girls with tight bodies, protruding bones and a pretty good handle on how to stick out their butts (LOL). The rest of us are early/mid 30's to early/mid 60's.....Now this is MY CREW seriously! My partner in the class in a tall black woman who must be at least in her late 30's. She is a wonderful person who is always giving me tips on how to get the weight off and keep it that way! Her spirit is light and warm and she is on the Blue Team as well! I am looking forward to seeing her every week in class b/c she never gives up and she gives it her ALL!
Well, I am tired.
Dinner report: Chicken leg quarter with a HUGE bowl of salad (olive oil dressing) and Diet Coke! NO rice to be seen.
Weight: 241
So, with all this prep, you can imagine what happens when I step on the scale: "Hmmmm....," she says. "Let me see your food journal lady." And I am like "Shit..." "You owe me a dollar," she says. So as I look at the scale the new weight is: 241. Now typically this would cause my spirits to spiral down a long, dark, winding PIT OF DESPAIR. But Nooooooooooooooooooooooo, I am a "big girl" and I knew what would happen if I did not stick to the plan and I did NOT stick to the plan in a BIG way! Soooooooooooooooooo, no more RICE for me....and I LOVE rice almost as much as I love cheating! Hahahahaha!
I managed to get in a better mood with the help of the Cardio Hip-Hop class which was PACKED! Goodness! It was yet another GREAT class. There are so many people in there at different levels and most of the girls in there are young white girls with tight bodies, protruding bones and a pretty good handle on how to stick out their butts (LOL). The rest of us are early/mid 30's to early/mid 60's.....Now this is MY CREW seriously! My partner in the class in a tall black woman who must be at least in her late 30's. She is a wonderful person who is always giving me tips on how to get the weight off and keep it that way! Her spirit is light and warm and she is on the Blue Team as well! I am looking forward to seeing her every week in class b/c she never gives up and she gives it her ALL!
Well, I am tired.
Dinner report: Chicken leg quarter with a HUGE bowl of salad (olive oil dressing) and Diet Coke! NO rice to be seen.
Weight: 241
Monday, June 21, 2010
Weighting in Vain?
So, today was the FIRST weigh-in at Studio-310. I was worried about what the results would be because I was less than "good" this week. As I stepped on the scale Liz says: "What eating plan are you on?" I stuttered a little "uhhhhh....Weight Wathcers?" "That's great" she said, "I love Weight Watchers!" As I weight for the numbers I am thinking: "don't worry self, you will pull it back together this week for sure!" "240" she says. "240?" I think..."huh?" "Are you sure?" She showed me the numbers she wrote down on the paper: 240lbs....Wow! I am soooooo proud!
Sooooooooooooooo, that means 2 lbs down and 14 more to go! YES!
We decided to stay for the Cardio Hip-Hop class, which Liz taught herself. It was a GREAT class...it started a bit fast for me, but my body was right there....meeting me half way! It was WONDERFUL to be dancing again, near people who were all there for the SAME REASON: to lose weight and fell better about themselves.
"If you're not sweating, you're npt dancing" she calls out "oh I'm sweating Liz," reply. "Is she serious?" My cousin asks. "Yup, seems so," I answer and we are off to the races....I think I may have stopped moving for all of 5 minutes during the whole class! OMG! It was SOOOOOOOOOOOOO GOOOD to be back!
Sooooooooooooooo, that means 2 lbs down and 14 more to go! YES!
We decided to stay for the Cardio Hip-Hop class, which Liz taught herself. It was a GREAT class...it started a bit fast for me, but my body was right there....meeting me half way! It was WONDERFUL to be dancing again, near people who were all there for the SAME REASON: to lose weight and fell better about themselves.
"If you're not sweating, you're npt dancing" she calls out "oh I'm sweating Liz," reply. "Is she serious?" My cousin asks. "Yup, seems so," I answer and we are off to the races....I think I may have stopped moving for all of 5 minutes during the whole class! OMG! It was SOOOOOOOOOOOOO GOOOD to be back!
Thursday, June 17, 2010
The Weight is Over
This evening I went to Studio 310 in Gaithersburg to begin the Biggest Loser Challenge of Montgomery County with my cousin. I have been looking for a way to lose weight within a supportive space. Well I really think that Studio 310 is that place. There were a ton of people there tonight. I was not really expecting that many people to be there, but it was very cool!
It was weird at first because there was a class going on as we entered the studio and I was a bit confused. At first I thought:"are we in the wrong place on the wrong day?" "What the heck is this class about?" So, I checked the schedule and it was a Zumba class....well....I could not figure out what the heck Zumba was supposed to be. I had always heard that it was a GREAT class and I was a bit confused (there was a lot of that going around) by what I saw. Let's just say that I had to "check my judgments at the door"
LITERALLY!
Looking back on it I think it is a good place for me to begin getting back into dance I think. It was kind of basic and I could identify some of teh foot work...it was a bit weird I MUST admit! Anyway, back to the challenge meeting.
There were soooooooooooooooo many of us and we joined under the Blue Team which meets every MONDAY evening for the next 8 weeks to weigh-in and....well WHO KNOWS??!?!?!I was NOT completely sure what Liz has in mind but I know that I am READY FOR WHATEVER! We were asked to pick a "Code Name,” seriously? A code name? COME ON LIZ! Well I discovered that they chart your weight and I guess having your "Code Name" up with your weight gains and losses will be a bit better than a huge sign that says: WYNESHIA is blankity blank pounds!"
SO, I guess at this point you may be wondering: "How much does this girl weight anyway?" I have been debating whether or not I will release my weight on this blog. I mean really......do I want my weight broadcast all over the internet? Well.....HELL NO, but....I think I want to see this as a pretty honest endeavor so here it is....drum roll please..............242.2. Whew.....I did it!
I am 242.2 lbs and I am setting a weight loss goal of 16 lbs at the end of the 8 week challenge. That would mean that I am losing 2 lbs every week. Can I do it!>!>>! YES I CAN! AT the end of this challenge: I CLAIM A 16 lbs WEIGHT LOSS placing me at 226 lbs!
WISH ME LUCK!
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