"Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it...You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings. And once you have achieved a state of happiness, you must never become lax about maintaining it. You must make a mighty effort to keep swimming upward into that happiness forever, to stay afloat on top of it."
— Elizabeth Gilbert
"Just keep swimming" Dorie
Participate RELENTLESSLY in the manifestation of your own BLESSINGS! I am not sure where in the book this quote appears, but it is ONE of my favorites. I mean...can you get any more passionate than RELENTLESS PARTICIPATION? I think not!
Have I relentlessly participated in my weight loss? I am not sure. I have relentlessly participated in dance. OH YES! Now THAT was relentless participation. That level of participation yielded the most wonderful results: ABSOLUTE HAPPINESS! This weight on the other hand.......well that has often ONLY yielded the most painful of pains. The most miserable of losses: the dance.
WHY you might ask?
Well where I came from (in dance) FAT did NOT equal dancer...at least not at the undergraduate level. High School was an interesting time for a young overweight dancer. I have kept this down and quiet, but I remember a girl choreographed this FIERCE dance hall piece (Reggae) to Buju's Dickie Dickie song (FIERCE I remind you). I had the dance down and I just knew I would be in the piece. Now, if you know ANYTHING about dancehall pieces or dance halls you will know that there is often very little on the dancer. Soooooooooooooo, when the student choreographer chose her costumes (koochie cuter shorts and beaded bras) it was CLEAR that I would NOT be dancing in that piece. THAT and the fact that the teacher calmly said to me: "you would not want to be on stage with that on...trust me."
Although I am paraphrasing, he made it very clear to me that I would not fit into THAT costume. And I KNEW damned well that I did NOT want to be on a HS stage bulging out of my costume. That knowledge did not ease the pain I experienced because I was TOO BIG for the costume. I look around (in my mind) the room of my memory and I see ONLY 1 or 2 other "Big" girls in the class and only 1 other "big" girl in the Ensemble. I wonder how I was able to continue dancing. I mean I was NEVER smaller than the Large (size) in anything.
God, it was TERRIBLE, but it never stopped me.
I auditioned for the HS Dance Ensemble and made it in.
I was in the large scale Ensemble pieces and often was able to choreograph (not my greatest strength)a few pieces, take Master classes with all guest choreographers...I was "just like everyone else" in sooooooo many ways except one: I was fat. It never stopped me from dancing.....just held me back from certain pieces. If left me waiting in the wings.
I often felt that I was on the periphery of the circle of "real dancers," but I always felt like a pretty good dancer. It's weird to think of it that way. I guess I knew that I was not slim like the others, but I also knew that I was NOT a bad dancer. And when the teacher told me about college dance programs he told me about SUNY Brockport. He told me that Garth Fagan taught there. He told me that Gath was Jamaican and had begun his company in NYC and that he has choreographed the Lion King on Broadway. He said I should go there and try to study with him. Me? Study with Garth Fagan?
......to be continued....
Oh yeah: Last week I was UP 2.2 (240)lbs and this week I was DOWN 2.2 lbs (238.8).
— Elizabeth Gilbert
"Just keep swimming" Dorie
Participate RELENTLESSLY in the manifestation of your own BLESSINGS! I am not sure where in the book this quote appears, but it is ONE of my favorites. I mean...can you get any more passionate than RELENTLESS PARTICIPATION? I think not!
Have I relentlessly participated in my weight loss? I am not sure. I have relentlessly participated in dance. OH YES! Now THAT was relentless participation. That level of participation yielded the most wonderful results: ABSOLUTE HAPPINESS! This weight on the other hand.......well that has often ONLY yielded the most painful of pains. The most miserable of losses: the dance.
WHY you might ask?
Well where I came from (in dance) FAT did NOT equal dancer...at least not at the undergraduate level. High School was an interesting time for a young overweight dancer. I have kept this down and quiet, but I remember a girl choreographed this FIERCE dance hall piece (Reggae) to Buju's Dickie Dickie song (FIERCE I remind you). I had the dance down and I just knew I would be in the piece. Now, if you know ANYTHING about dancehall pieces or dance halls you will know that there is often very little on the dancer. Soooooooooooooo, when the student choreographer chose her costumes (koochie cuter shorts and beaded bras) it was CLEAR that I would NOT be dancing in that piece. THAT and the fact that the teacher calmly said to me: "you would not want to be on stage with that on...trust me."
Although I am paraphrasing, he made it very clear to me that I would not fit into THAT costume. And I KNEW damned well that I did NOT want to be on a HS stage bulging out of my costume. That knowledge did not ease the pain I experienced because I was TOO BIG for the costume. I look around (in my mind) the room of my memory and I see ONLY 1 or 2 other "Big" girls in the class and only 1 other "big" girl in the Ensemble. I wonder how I was able to continue dancing. I mean I was NEVER smaller than the Large (size) in anything.
God, it was TERRIBLE, but it never stopped me.
I auditioned for the HS Dance Ensemble and made it in.
I was in the large scale Ensemble pieces and often was able to choreograph (not my greatest strength)a few pieces, take Master classes with all guest choreographers...I was "just like everyone else" in sooooooo many ways except one: I was fat. It never stopped me from dancing.....just held me back from certain pieces. If left me waiting in the wings.
I often felt that I was on the periphery of the circle of "real dancers," but I always felt like a pretty good dancer. It's weird to think of it that way. I guess I knew that I was not slim like the others, but I also knew that I was NOT a bad dancer. And when the teacher told me about college dance programs he told me about SUNY Brockport. He told me that Garth Fagan taught there. He told me that Gath was Jamaican and had begun his company in NYC and that he has choreographed the Lion King on Broadway. He said I should go there and try to study with him. Me? Study with Garth Fagan?
......to be continued....
Oh yeah: Last week I was UP 2.2 (240)lbs and this week I was DOWN 2.2 lbs (238.8).
I remember that HS girl who exuded confidence (that many of us teenagers didnt possess) regardless of your size and didnt let it stop you from dancing which I always admired! :-)
ReplyDeleteCongrats on the loss!
i like that...relentless participation...
ReplyDeleteyou know, its better that you are enjoying your relentless participation in dance now...really its better than relentless partipating/dwelling on weight loss. the best things are things that fit into life, that become happy habits, right? as you can see, weight goes up and down with so many things...how much water have you had, how much muscle instead of fat weight...what else did you eat/evacuate before your weigh in. that you are becoming more active is an incredible accomplishment. you've inspired me to do the same...well at least once a week in a more fitness like zumba class at least!
Kara- it's funny that you meniots Zumba bc there is a class at the studio I am visiting. I havebeen hesitatingbc I was not sure that I trust the teacher with my body (safe movements and transitions)but today I went by and the music was really calling me! I will try it next week and get back to you!
ReplyDeleteTasha-
ReplyDeleteThanks for the reminder!