The Weight Project

Well I have NEVER done anything like this, but it was suggested by one of my dearest friends soooooooooooo, here goes nothing!

Big Girl

What is this anyway? What does it mean? “I’ve been a big girl for as long as I can remember.” That is what I tell people all the time. Why do I tell them that? I think it’s because I want to give them permission to think I am fat without feeling too bad a bout it. I think that if I call myself fat first then it won’t be so bad that they are already thinking it. So what? What if they DO think that? Isn’t that true? Ain’t I fat? I mean really, I AM fat shit! WTF?! “I have been fat all my life” that is another one I tell people. But THAT IS NOT TRUE! In fact, if the truth be told, as a matter of fact (all things I LOVE to hear ppl say) I have NOT been a BIG girl or FAT all my life. I look at pics of myself and in these pics I am NOT FAT. I was “skinny” is that what I would call myself? I was “average” Whatever you want to call it, whatever I want to call it, IT was and is not fat!
So when did this journey start? "The fat journey" I think I want to call it. When did the fat journey begin…my love affair with being fat and feeling HORRIBLE? Well I don’t think that they are synonymous….fat AND horrible. In fact (there it is again). I only began to feel HORRIBLE when I began to dance. BIG SURPRISE huh? Well the surprise is that it did not stay, that horrible feeling. I can remember being 145pounds in high school. Or maybe it was 140...the point is that I was FAT then. I was given the choice to skip regular gym class and take volley ball, gymnastics or modern dance. Being the dork that I was could not dance and never went to parties, so I opted for the modern dance class. BEST mistake I ever made! Well, sort of.